So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
