I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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