Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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