I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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