Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
