I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
