i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
