if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
