What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My vagina is officially offended.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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