i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
