i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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