my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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