Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
