Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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