it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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