I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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