arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
