If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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