u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
barbara walters just said penis...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
