just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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