i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
