Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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