Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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