I wish I could teleport
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
