so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
