My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
