Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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