Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
