halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
