Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
