Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
