she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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