Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
