wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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