Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
