And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
