I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
