a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
