There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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