i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
