On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
