I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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