cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
