they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
