she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
