Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
