so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
