I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
