cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
