your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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